Fear and Loving in Mum-Vegas

There are a million things you learn when you have your own child. Things that other parents tend to keep to themselves. And not just about the horrors of childbirth (Oh my God, no wonder people don't tell the truth about that, the human race would be doomed),that babies go through several stages of 'poo' (from black to orange... nice) or even that babies make the most horrible grunts, snorts and groans as they sleep (that's right, even when they finally sleep... you WON'T).
No, the one thing that I truly had not prepared myself for was The Fear.
I'm a bit of a paradox in temperament. I can be insanely anal retentive about the smallest things. The colour of the pegs have to match when I hang out my washing. The dishwasher has to be packed MY way. I drive my husband crazy by following him around the kitchen, washing every plate, spoon or knife that he has used, whether he is finished with them or not.
But otherwise, I have a pretty relaxed attitude to life. The glass is half full in my world. Everything happens for a reason, and generally works out in the end. There's no point worrying about the past. I overwhelmingly believe that what goes around, comes around. When life throws me a bad patch, I truly believe that something good is coming. So consequently, I rarely worry about what 'might' happen. If I make responsible decisions, then everything will be fine. Right?
Not anymore. That was the old me. That was before the arrival of my Little Gem, before the arrival of The Fear.
Now everything is scary.
My actions have genuine consequences, and not just for me and my husband now. Everything I do impacts on the Gem.
It can be quite agonising. Is she eating enough? Sleeping enough? Sleeping too much, and therefore not eating enough? Is she getting cranky because I'm trying to feed her too much to make up for the feeds that she has dropped because she's sleeping too much?
Is she too hot? Too cold? Is she going to get a flat head because I let her kick on the floor too much? Is it too early to put her in a jolly jumper?
Do I take her out of the house too much? Do we stay at home too much?
Is her bath water too hot? Am I holding her tight enough? Will she slip out of my arms onto the tiles? (I can almost hear the sickening noise that would make)
Do I worry too much? (YES!)
From what I understand, The Fear affects almost all parents and although it may fade with time, it doesn't go away. And it isn't limited to those small everyday decisions. Even though Little Gem sleeps through the night, I still spend some of those wee early morning hours tossing and turning as I contemplate the Big Issues.
I have brought a new life into this world, and all things being as they should, she will outlive me by decades. So issues such as climate change, population growth, energy and food supply take on new meaning. What kind of world is my baby girl going to live in? As cliched as this sounds, I want to leave this world a better place for her.
Perhaps The Fear could be my ultimate motivator. Instead of political spectating, perhaps its time to get more involved, make my voice be heard a little louder.
Little Gem is only 12 weeks old, but she is truly now the centre of my world. The Fear ensures that her needs take precedence above mine.
And with a face like this...

The Fear isn't going anywhere.